Tea for Two

I saw a successful comedian on some talk show the other day joking about the Tea Party. She was going to start another Tea Party and call it The ‘Green’ Tea Party. That was a clever phrase, I thought, plus she was right. We could throw a ‘green tea’ party or a ‘black tea’ party or maybe even an ‘orange pekoe tea’ party. Hey (excitement growing), we could diversify into level-within-level of tea party…eeeh, clap, clap…and have, like, a ‘Sencha green tea’ party as versus a ‘Matcha green tea’ party. Yes, yes, yes, let’s call this divisiveness diversi-tea! Wow! Super!

But wait…we’d have to get the tea parties past the priest, the author with stomach trouble. You see, I was minding my own business, reading his passable spiritual book on aging and faith, when out of nowhere the priest/author threw in a one-sentence slam at the Tea Party. I paused…hmmm, what spiritual meaning lies here? (Nanosecond wait) Right—none! Obviously the priest just needs a little hot tea in front of a warm fire at the Church’s expense to cure whatever caused him to belch out that slur in the middle of a halfway decent read. I mean, this priest, who writes about elders and their accumulated wisdom, somehow hasn’t noticed that loads of Tea Partiers ARE elders and ARE passing on their wisdom—financial wisdom. They’re spreading the mantra, “Don’t spend beyond your means!” This has been sage advice throughout history. (Hmmm, ‘mantra’…maybe Tea Partiers are Buddhist, which could explain why the priest was upset???)

I guess that the priest is a lot like the wealthy, liberal comedian, whose ‘Green’ Tea Party really means, “you Tea Partiers drive SUV’s, so you’re the devil,” only he’ll add, “Spend more money and the devil be damned!” So let’s get them together. The priest can go to the wealthy comedian’s home for tea (although it should be chilled, since that’s what they want to do to the economy), whereupon the wealthy comedian will write a big check to the poor to be spent only on eco-friendly items (for example, a bike for a two-hour commute). While they’re sipping that tepid brew of socialist cool-aid, the rest of us can be back at work, earning “green,” and thus be able to decide how to individually and democratically spend our own money. Thanks Tea Party!

Out of the Deep and Drowning in Debt

OK, I know what you’re gonna say, “Where have you been, deep space?!” No, but I’ve been deep in the conservative closet since Obama’s campaign and election. Euphoric liberals, of which there are many in my part of the country, are unpredictable. I thought to myself, “Why get hurt trying to tackle a Democrat running towards a wheelbarrow, nay, dump trucks full of the public’s money?” So I laid low and waited, knowing that when Dems get their hands on a load of free government cash, bad things can happen. Case in point, the shiny new curb-cuts-to-nowhere in my neighborhood (we don’t have sidewalks where I live). I guess I shouldn’t complain, the curb-cuts look OK. They’re sort of like modern yellow art amid the dirt, that is, if you like art, otherwise they look ridiculous. Same for downtown—they re-did some street crossings in our two-block downtown, so about 8-10 actual “cuts.” Must've been stimulus money, and it sure is stimulating for some. One street corner is now graded so steep that anyone in a wheelchair would flip over backwards trying to go up it, but the yellow curb-cut to the hill and the fancy brickwork crossing sure look nice.

Yup, the smell of money to a liberal is like cocaine to a lab rat—they’re just waiting for more when the time is right. Obama’s election made the time right for the free-money group, and about 3 pm is the right time for the lab rat. At least the rat only gets a controlled, measured dose once a day from his keepers. Scientists know that cocaine doesn’t ‘grow on trees’ so to speak. They understand that the hand that feeds them , i.e., government grant money, can be taken away at any time, so they better use their resources carefully—very carefully. Unfortunately, liberals believe in unlimited access to OUR money for some pretty damn awful experiments. And just like chocoholics after a binge, they lick their fingers to taste every molecule of green printer’s ink that they can only to line up begging for more with their pleading but beady little eyes—sort of like rats.

Now, if you’re like me, you don’t like rats in your yard much less building curb cuts to nowhere in your neighborhood. So I think it’s time to set some traps (Hmmm, maybe I can put in a grant request for rat traps? $25K should be enough if I include overhead). But truthfully, the traps are probably not needed. What with the endless smell of burnt money drifting out of the White House, Dems will dope themselves up on the fumes (while the rest of us are choking), and they’ll fall off the re-election cliff all by themselves.