Tea for Two

I saw a successful comedian on some talk show the other day joking about the Tea Party. She was going to start another Tea Party and call it The ‘Green’ Tea Party. That was a clever phrase, I thought, plus she was right. We could throw a ‘green tea’ party or a ‘black tea’ party or maybe even an ‘orange pekoe tea’ party. Hey (excitement growing), we could diversify into level-within-level of tea party…eeeh, clap, clap…and have, like, a ‘Sencha green tea’ party as versus a ‘Matcha green tea’ party. Yes, yes, yes, let’s call this divisiveness diversi-tea! Wow! Super!

But wait…we’d have to get the tea parties past the priest, the author with stomach trouble. You see, I was minding my own business, reading his passable spiritual book on aging and faith, when out of nowhere the priest/author threw in a one-sentence slam at the Tea Party. I paused…hmmm, what spiritual meaning lies here? (Nanosecond wait) Right—none! Obviously the priest just needs a little hot tea in front of a warm fire at the Church’s expense to cure whatever caused him to belch out that slur in the middle of a halfway decent read. I mean, this priest, who writes about elders and their accumulated wisdom, somehow hasn’t noticed that loads of Tea Partiers ARE elders and ARE passing on their wisdom—financial wisdom. They’re spreading the mantra, “Don’t spend beyond your means!” This has been sage advice throughout history. (Hmmm, ‘mantra’…maybe Tea Partiers are Buddhist, which could explain why the priest was upset???)

I guess that the priest is a lot like the wealthy, liberal comedian, whose ‘Green’ Tea Party really means, “you Tea Partiers drive SUV’s, so you’re the devil,” only he’ll add, “Spend more money and the devil be damned!” So let’s get them together. The priest can go to the wealthy comedian’s home for tea (although it should be chilled, since that’s what they want to do to the economy), whereupon the wealthy comedian will write a big check to the poor to be spent only on eco-friendly items (for example, a bike for a two-hour commute). While they’re sipping that tepid brew of socialist cool-aid, the rest of us can be back at work, earning “green,” and thus be able to decide how to individually and democratically spend our own money. Thanks Tea Party!