Down on the Plantation

I’ve never lived on a plantation—too expensive, too humid—a tidy one-bedroom in a dry climate is more to my style, but apparently Hillary Clinton knows all about plantations. In fact, I’m quite sure she’s very familiar with what it takes to run a plantation, as she has been the missus in several ‘big, white houses on the hill’ over her lifetime. She even has experience in selling employees down the river, as she heartlessly did in Travelgate, as well as in--tsk, tsk--taking what she wants: all those gifts belonging to the Nation that went to her new house. If she thinks that the U.S. House of Representatives (democratically elected by the way) is run like a plantation, well, seems like she would surely know…

Why, it mus’ ta bin hard to a bin in dose fancy plantation houses, holdin’ a sway o’er da lives of dem workers, invitin’ da high and mighty fo’ dinna, fussing ov’r dem pretty ballgowns, and a sendin’ her daughter to private schools ta be properly educated and meet some nice fellas. Why it mus’ ta bin even harda to a lost all dat pow’r and…whad ya call it, all a dat prestige, yeah, prestige, dat’s it. Po’ Ms. Clinton, she’s a gonna hav’ ta make dem ballgowns outta curtains now, jus’ like po’ Miss Scarlett O’Hara did fo’ Mis’er Rhett Butler. And not ta be allowed to taulk in dat dere House o’ Representatives…wooo eeeee, how Ms. Clinton, she does like ta taulk…dat must a git her down. She ain’t even in dat House, but not a being allowed ta taulk all o’ dat nonsense she taulks, well, dat a git a woman down, real down. She’d a feel bedda, ifin she could jus’ be anointed…no, dat’s not it…appointed, yeah, dat’s it, appointed head o’ dat House, altho’ jus’ betwixt you ‘n’ me, I’s a thinkin’ she likes dat uder House bedda, dat dere White House. Dat big white one on da hill, wid da columns, jus’ like down south. Ya kno’, hav’ it ta remind her a ol’ times, instead o’ havin’ to cowtow to dem dem-o-cra-ti-cal-ly e-lect-ed officials. They ain’t bedda dan Ms. Clinton. Why, jus’ you wait ‘n’ see. When Ms. Clinton gits pow’r, she’s a gonna put dem in dere place, yessir, yessir. ‘N’ all o’ dis he’e free speech it’ll be done wid, jus’ like in da 60’s. Dem conservatives, why, den they’ll hav’ ta as’ Ms. Clinton’s permission to speak. Den da world will be a betta place, jus’ like in plantation days. Yessir, Ms. Clinton’s gonna take care o’ all o’ us, jus’ like ifin we was her own chil’en. Yessir, bedda days a comin’ fo’ sure when Ms. Clinton runs the plantation.

Hmmmm, if the democratically elected House of Representatives is run like a plantation, as Ms. Clinton alleges, does anyone out there really want to be on this so-called plantation when Ms. Clinton takes over the big house? I didn’t think so.