Liberal and SUV Hell

It's hard to live in today’s atheistic, anti-everything, liberal America. If you can't stand a whining, negative, antagonistic liberal, you cannot complain. Otherwise you might be called a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, or worse, a religious person, when in fact it is the liberal who has truly annoying personal habits, like always putting down ideas clearly supported by facts or throwing emotional temper tantrums to get his way. In the current liberal, secular heaven-on-earth, you are surrounded by all manner of self-centered personal behavior that pollutes humanity much more than does an SUV. Even so, you must constantly bear the public humiliation of always being wrong, because, of course, the saintly liberal's wounded self-esteem trumps all. Yet another liberal hissy fit now labels you as an accessory to terrorism when you drive your SUV. Here are the thoughts in a liberal’s mind that you should be able to pick up by telepathy, even though said liberal is not required to have the same ability (corrective commentary added in parentheses): “It's obvious, isn't it, that you planned all along to drive an SUV (he could never afford an SUV), and that you knew it would lead to the global warming that is choking me at this moment (maybe it’s all that marijuana you smoked in the 60’s), and to the understandable bombing of the Twin Towers (hates corporate America, hates international trade, hates any city without a socialist or communist mayor, hates any edifice not illegally constructed on private property, and thinks all terrorists had a US-induced, traumatic childhood). You maliciously provoke the terrorists in full view of small children and grandmothers when you drive your SUV (still marches nude in public in front of small children and grandmothers at yearly anything-goes festival). How can you possibly live with the knowledge that you lead your life with foul intent and fumes belching from your SUV (cannot live with the knowledge that choosing to reside in a socialist commune for 40 years did not bring fame, fortune, or much coveted personal power). Why you … you … you … (exploding in self-righteous indignation), SUV-using abuser of … of …minority, female, homosexual, and terrorist rights (needs illegal “herbal” remedy to lower blood pressure as hates anyone who actually studied in school, such as a doctor). The End.” To be fair, the liberal, SUV-hating tyrant may be very rich (think movie stars who live lavishly but buy a Prius so that they can lecture you about your unseemly consumption of the earth’s resources), or a professional protester (no education necessary) who used numerous modes of gas-powered transportation to come bother you (not to mention synthetic fibers and chemicals in his/her clothing, rubber derivatives in his/her shoes, and energy wherever he/she went into a store, owned anything made by a machine, or ate prepared food, etc.). Even so, it is you, the SUV owner, who are evil beyond repair and to be hated. May God grant you forgiveness, because the living liberal “saints” who accuse you will not.